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Resolving Interpersonal Conflicts With Improved Assertive Conflict Resolution Skills Index
INFORMATION
There are different kinks of conflict: AGGRESSIVE CONFLICT. Conflicts that are openly hostile, where one or more partner' get angry, get loud, use negative labels, try to outtalk or belittle their partner, or use manipulation, threats or actual physical violence are common qualities of aggressive conflict. This is probably the most common kind of conflict in relationships that are seriously failing. In aggressive--aggressive conflicts, both partners are communicating this way. In aggressive--passive (or dominant-submissive) conflicts one partner is being aggressive while the other is being passive. Aggressive partners usually believe that they are right and their partner is being stubborn or is trying to hurt them for some unknown reason. They may totally fail to seek or to understand their partner's true position. In some cases they may not care very much--if they are truly very selfish people. PASSIVE CONFLICT. Conflicts of this type which involve both partners being passive usually appear on the surface to be no conflict at all. That is the way both partners prefer to keep it. The conflict is largely internal. Partners do not agree, but they are afraid to discuss their disagreement. Instead they start to build inner barriers. Passive partners may feel misunderstood, uncared for, dominated, and weak. They may be upset with themselves for failing to be stronger or for not being able to please their partners. They may even feel guilty for not wanting what their partner wants and feel "selfish." They may also fear conflict, being seen in a negative light by their partner, or being rejected and left alone. Even though both partners may avoid conflict and discussions of differences, the underlying conflicts will come out in ways such as lack of interest in doing things (including sex) that they go ahead and do because their partner wishes it. Or it may be that they are constantly "unmotivated" or apathetic about anything that their partner wants or about doing things together. that is called passive aggression and it is what may happen when you are resentful of your partner and won't deal with it. In any case this passive behavior can be very annoying in itself and help lead to the other partner becoming disinterested in the relationship and falling "out of love." If both partners continue this cycle, the partners will gradually drift emotionally apart and may either separate or live separate lives in the same house. ASSERTIVE CONFLICT RESOLUTION. This is the constructive approach to resolving conflicts. In the ideal case, both partners are assertive. However, in many real life cases only one partner has good conflict resolution skills. Even though the assertive partner may be good at dealing with other assertive people, they may not be used to dealing with someone who is using a very aggressive or passive approach. The assertive person needs to stay focused on using their assertive approach that has worked well with others, but may need some additional skills for dealing with aggressive or passive manipulation. Some qualities of assertive communication. Take our SHAQ CARES assessment (check that you want help with relationships) to take the intimacy and conflict resolution scales of the questionnaire. Also check out the web sites below. Through books, classes, counseling, workshops, and practice you can make remarkable improvements in your ability to become assertive and resolve conflicts in ways that strengthen relationships. INTERNET
LINKS CSULB=>
Assertion Training ***Virtual Pamphlet Collection of the
University of Chicago Improving Self-Esteem and Internal Control Low self-esteem, internal control, or assertiveness can cause people to fear conflict situations and become easy targets for more aggressive or manipulative people. Even people with relatively good self-esteem can be manipulated when they run into someone extremely skilled at manipulation. Developing your self-esteem, internal control, and assertiveness skills can make you much stronger in conflict situations or any situations involving differences of opinion. Go to our help pages on Self-Esteem and Internal Control and Assertiveness. GO TO: book_sites.htm To be developed later. Counseling and
Psychological Services (CAPS) The Luster E. and Audrey Nichol Hauth Center for Communication Skills Other student services and
student organizations may also be helpful EDP 434: Interpersonal
Skills in Human Resource Development (3-4 units) COMM 210: Interpersonal
Communication (3 units) COMM 411/511:
Communication in Conflict Resolution (3 units) COMM 414: Communication in
Families (3 units) COMM 421/521: Communiation in
Bargaining and Negotiation (3 units)
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