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Dating and Finding Happiness with the Right Person For You Index
INFORMATION Many people fear that some defect in themselves will prevent anyone from ever wanting to be with them. Or they think that no one that would be acceptable to them would ever want them. However, those beliefs are almost always untrue. The fact is that just wanting something in another person (honesty, intelligence, love to play bingo, etc.) means that probably you share that value yourself and consequently are more attractive to them. You must also set realistic expectations. For example, some people (mostly men) want to marry someone who is much more physically attractive than themselves. Research has shown that most people marry people who are close to their own physical attractiveness (as rated by outside observers). So if a good figure is important to you, keep yourself in good shape. Actually, that finding applies to other qualities as well. If you want someone who is kind, honest, a good communicator, etc. Then it helps to possess those qualities yourself to attract someone who has those qualities. Therefore,, take a serious look at yourself and get feedback from others about how they see you--especially people who are like the person you want to be with. Then work on bringing yourself up to the level you expect in others. Also, make sure that you don't have some personal quality such as a drug or alcohol addiction or abusive behavior tendency that will eventually undermine a relationship once you get into it. ADVICE Also, learn how to be happy alone and accept that you can be happy alone the rest of your life. That peace of mind, confidence, and lack of "neediness" will help you overcome your fears and help you be more successful with others. If you have more complex problems that you are not sure you can handle alone, get help from a good counselor who proves to be helpful. INTERNET
LINKS Guide for overcoming fears of rejection and loneliness, also focuses upon finding people who are right for you in a relationship. Dr. Tom Stevens http://www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/c-rejct.htm CSULB=> Choose To Be Happy In Relationships
Also--go to Developing Intimacy Help Page
Dating and Matching Sites--See Safety Tips box at end of references ****Comprehensive Index of Date/Meeting People Sites www.match.com Match.com; first fill out a profile. Claims more than 2.5 million singles have tried its services and 300,000 have found someone special and 800 have gotten married. www.americansingles.com Americansingles.com; first fill out a profile www.cupidnet.com A large network of dating sites www.oneandonly.com One and Only www.alternativeconnections.com For people with alternative lifestyles www.thridage.com For baby boomers personals.yahoo.com Personals, not matching, at Yahoo personals.excite.com Same at Excite
Safety tips for dating (from Access magazine):
Additional tips:
GO TO: book_sites.htm Counseling and
Psychological Services (CAPS) Other student services and
student organizations may also be helpful Courses offered related to the family, interpersonal communication and relationships can be helpful. Look in the departments of Psychology, Educational Psychology, Family and Consumer Science, Speech Communication, and Sociology for potential related courses. |
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Home Page Free, full-length self-help manuals.
Psychologist Dr.Tom Stevens' Web Site
at www.csulb.edu/~tstevens California State University, Long Beach (CSULB) Copyright 2006, Tom G. Stevens PhD URL of this web site is www.csulb.edu/~tstevens/success
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