Romance--Romantic
Behavior Skills and Practical Tips
Index
Information
Advice
Internet Links
Books & Media
CSULB Referrals
Other
INFORMATION
and ADVICE
Over 90% of the romantic novels are
purchased by women. Women often develop elaborate ideas and expectations
about romance that most men barely understand. If you are a man who wants
to have a woman love and want him more, then one aspect that can enhance your
standing with many women is to learn how to meet these romantic desires.
Some of romantic desires are very simple and can be done by almost any man
(bring flowers, write romantic cards, give romantic gifts, go to romantic
movies, enjoy romantic music and dancing, etc.). It's just that most men
either rarely do them, or they only do them when they want something from the
woman.
Try doing romantic things
forever. Like the song says, "How do you keep the music
playing?"--the love and excitement alive in a relationship? Doing romantic
things forever on a regular basis is one key.
Other expectations are more
fundamental to any good relationship (listen, be considerate, be kind and
gentle, try to sweetly persuade her instead of manipulating her, put her
happiness above your own needs at times, etc.). Men
who learn how to do these things well will usually find that many women will
value their company.
If you are a woman who is
frustrated by not finding a man who meets these expectations, try to learn the
art of gentle persuasion. Most men secretly know that they don't know much
about romance. Yet they don't want to admit any weakness in that area, so
they do something defensive like say it isn't important or isn't them.
They say that you must accept them as they are. That is true, because you
are unlikely to change them much, especially if they don't want to be
changed.
If romance is important to
you, try to find a man who may feel insecure and be a clod at times, but is a
man who loves women and secretly would like to learn how to be romantic or be a
great lover. No matter what type of man you are involved with here are a few
tips that may help.
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First, accept him the way
he is--he probably won't change much! If you can't, then find someone else.
Remember that he will probably be more romantic during courtship than
marriage. See what he is like after he feels safe. |
|
Don't criticize his
attempts at being romantic, sexual, etc. That will probably make him
feel even more insecure and defensive about his ability to be romantic. |
|
Instead find whatever you
can that is romantic (including nice things he does for you) and CALL them
romantic. Tell him, "That is so romantic, you are such a
Romeo." etc. Help him change his self-image that he is a clod,
don't reinforce it. |
|
Ask for what you want in a
very positive way (help re-train him). Say something like, "It
would be so sweet and romantic of you to bring me a flower now and
then. I'd love it so much." |
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Then if he brings it, be
especially grateful, even if it's the wrong kind. Later, just say that
you liked those, but you'd also like a rose now and then because roses are
especially romantic. Get the idea of how to do it? |
|
Men, if you've read this
and your companion doesn't treat you this way, then try this same type of
positive approach with her! Don't be too negative yourself, that may only
lead to a fight or very hurt feelings. |
INTERNET
LINKS
Also see links on related topics such
as Intimacy and Conflict
Resolution Skills.
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What to do--Romantic
Skills and Behavior
Go Ask Alice. For practical advice based on scientific facts, ask "Alice," a group of health professionals and researchers from Columbia University.
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu
The Romantic's Guide. Highly rated by Access Magazine.
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Cards,
Letters, Gifts, and All Things Romantic?
From poems to recipes to movies, all things romantic are supposed to be here.
www.lovestories.com
Cards, clip art, and other romantic internet stuff plus many tips.
www.romancegalore.com
Send
romantic poems, cards, etc.
amorantica.com
www.bluemountain.com/
Send electronic cards with melodies, etc. for all occasions free
www.theromantic.com
BOOKS
& MEDIA
GO TO: book_sites.htm
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CSULB
REFERRALS
CSULB
Student Services
Counseling and
Psychological Services (CAPS)
CSULB students can obtain free counseling from licensed psychologists for almost
any type of personal problem including relationships and family problems;
stress, anxiety, depression, anger, grief; academic-related concerns; career
decision-making; crises; and almost any type of self-development issue. We
offer individual and group counseling, workshops, and self-help materials
including this web site. Brotman Hall, Room 226; 562-985-4001; web site: www.csulb.edu/~caps
Other student services and
student organizations may also be helpful
Go to CSULB student information page for a comprehensive list of student services and activities
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