Romance

Self-Help Resources on this website (and site map)

Romance--Romantic Behavior Skills and Practical Tips

Index

Information
Advice
Internet Links
Books & Media
CSULB Referrals
Other

INFORMATION and ADVICE
Over 90% of the romantic novels are purchased by women. Women often develop elaborate ideas and expectations about romance that most men barely understand. If you are a man who wants to have a woman love and want him more, then one aspect that can enhance your standing with many women is to learn how to meet these romantic desires. Some of romantic desires are very simple and can be done by almost any man (bring flowers, write romantic cards, give romantic gifts, go to romantic movies, enjoy romantic music and dancing, etc.). It's just that most men either rarely do them, or they only do them when they want something from the woman.

Try doing romantic things forever. Like the song says, "How do you keep the music playing?"--the love and excitement alive in a relationship? Doing romantic things forever on a regular basis is one key.

Other expectations are more fundamental to any good relationship (listen, be considerate, be kind and gentle, try to sweetly persuade her instead of manipulating her, put her happiness above your own needs at times, etc.). Men who learn how to do these things well will usually find that many women will value their company.

If you are a woman who is frustrated by not finding a man who meets these expectations, try to learn the art of gentle persuasion. Most men secretly know that they don't know much about romance. Yet they don't want to admit any weakness in that area, so they do something defensive like say it isn't important or isn't them. They say that you must accept them as they are. That is true, because you are unlikely to change them much, especially if they don't want to be changed.

If romance is important to you, try to find a man who may feel insecure and be a clod at times, but is a man who loves women and secretly would like to learn how to be romantic or be a great lover. No matter what type of man you are involved with here are a few tips that may help.

	First, accept him the way he is--he probably won't change much! If you can't, then find someone else. Remember that he will probably be more romantic during courtship than marriage. See what he is like after he feels safe.
	Don't criticize his attempts at being romantic, sexual, etc. That will probably make him feel even more insecure and defensive about his ability to be romantic.
	Instead find whatever you can that is romantic (including nice things he does for you) and CALL them romantic. Tell him, "That is so romantic, you are such a Romeo." etc. Help him change his self-image that he is a clod, don't reinforce it.
	Ask for what you want in a very positive way (help re-train him). Say something like, "It would be so sweet and romantic of you to bring me a flower now and then. I'd love it so much."
	Then if he brings it, be especially grateful, even if it's the wrong kind. Later, just say that you liked those, but you'd also like a rose now and then because roses are especially romantic. Get the idea of how to do it?
	Men, if you've read this and your companion doesn't treat you this way, then try this same type of positive approach with her! Don't be too negative yourself, that may only lead to a fight or very hurt feelings.

INTERNET LINKS
Also see links on related topics such as Intimacy and Conflict Resolution Skills.

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What to do--Romantic Skills and Behavior

Go Ask Alice. For practical advice based on scientific facts, ask "Alice," a group of health professionals and researchers from Columbia University.
http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu

The Romantic's Guide. Highly rated by Access Magazine.

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Cards, Letters, Gifts, and All Things Romantic?

From poems to recipes to movies, all things romantic are supposed to be here.
www.lovestories.com

Cards, clip art, and other romantic internet stuff plus many tips.
www.romancegalore.com

Send romantic poems, cards, etc.
amorantica.com

www.bluemountain.com/ Send electronic cards with melodies, etc. for all occasions free

www.theromantic.com

BOOKS & MEDIA

GO TO: book_sites.htm

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CSULB REFERRALS

CSULB Student Services

Counseling and Psychological Services (CAPS)
CSULB students can obtain free counseling from licensed psychologists for almost any type of personal problem including relationships and family problems; stress, anxiety, depression, anger, grief; academic-related concerns; career decision-making; crises; and almost any type of self-development issue. We offer individual and group counseling, workshops, and self-help materials including this web site. Brotman Hall, Room 226; 562-985-4001; web site: www.csulb.edu/~caps

Other student services and student organizations may also be helpful
Go to CSULB student information page for a comprehensive list of student services and activities

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Success and Happiness Home Page
Success and Happiness Attributes Questionnaire (SHAQ) to assess self on many factors
Self-Help Internet Links (List only sites with useful FREE information)

Free, full-length self-help manuals. Psychologist Dr.Tom Stevens' Web Site at www.csulb.edu/~tstevens
Free, chapters from Dr. Stevens book, You Can Choose To Be Happy
Index of FREE SELF-HELP materials available on Dr. Stevens' web site

Email feedback to Dr. Tom Stevens at tstevens@csulb.edu (We appreciate the feedback.)

California State University, Long Beach (CSULB)
CSULB Division of Student Services

Self-Help Resources on this website (and site map)