Check your following relationship
areas for strengths and weaknesses in your relationship, and read the other
materials to understand what is meant by each of these relationship areas.
It depends upon the priority given by the individuals
INDIVIDUAL CRITERIA (Each make own list of what
each partner wants in each relationship area and discuss it)
2. CONTROL, BALANCE, and CONFLICT-RESOLUTION ISSUES:
Assertive ("Win--Win") conflict resolution, versus
Aggressive/domineering or Non-assertive/passive styles of communication.
Able to calm, understanding--even loving, and giving even in conflict
situations.
Equality versus Imbalance in decision-making? Do you each get
your way about 50% of the time?
Are you each able to look at your self critically and accept and
reflect on constructive criticism from the other?
Do you each value the relationship enough to make some changes in your
habits to improve it?
Are you each concerned enough about personal growth so that you want
to improve yourself so you will change for that reason (that is the more
powerful motivator for most people)?
DANGER AREAS: Differences are potential areas of
conflict. In these areas, EMPATHY, RESPECT,
INDEPENDENCE, and SUPPORT are especially
important--as is each person "taking care of their own
needs." (Versus "must agree or be together all the time,"
"you must meet my needs," resentment, coercion.)
3. INTIMACY:
Talking about emotions and underlying issues
(daily, important times) GOOD expressed EMPATHY and SELF-DISCLOSURE
Romantic, loving, supportive, "you're special"
Special actions, gifts, words, etc. frequently to say, "I love
you."
Physical, Sexual
Able to share deepest hopes, fears, and secrets with
partner.
Able to share important feelings about each other and relationship.
4. FUN, PLAY: Conversation, play, cultural, sports, travel,
etc.
Do you have fun together often?
What are areas each would like to improve?
Do you each enjoy some time alone or with other interests, and the
other accept it well?
5. MAINTENANCE: Financial, House, Children, Careers,
Chores, etc.
How well do you agree about care of finances, children, chores, etc.?
Are you each equally responsible?
Is the overall work load (work, chores, childcare, commuting, etc)
equal and fair? Do you both agree about this?
6. PERSONAL HABITS: Substance abuse, Emotional
problems, Physical/psychological/sexual abuse, etc.
What personal habits do you each have that contributes to the
happiness of the relationship?
What personal habits do you each have that reduces the happiness
of the relationship?
