Psych out thieves, don't be victimized

Instead of throwing physical obstacles such as anti-theft devices at them, chuck some psychological curve balls. So they'll pick someone else's car -- preferably one not on this campus.

Here are some tips:

• Leave phony notes on your car. Some examples: "John, I'll be back in one minute. I went to get a drink of water." And "Dear Mr. Locksmith, this is the blue Toyota you're looking for. I'll be back in one minute. I'm at a pay phone calling in late for work." The thief will think: I've only got a few minutes. Can't take a chance. Try another car.

 
• Be direct with the thief. Leave a note saying "I'm a 6' 2," 230-pound pit fighter from (insert dangerous area here). And if you steal from me, I'll …" You fill in the blank. Maybe the thief will believe it and hit up another car.

 
• Slap made-up auto protection company bumper stickers on your car. A sticker could say "This car has a Wenton Club Co. tracking device installed in it, so if you're thinking about stealing this car, hold that thought -- we'll be there in a minute." Is that lying? No. You're the company owner. And what a device!

• Put a ferocious or loud pet in the car. If you're not an arachnophobe, put a huge tarantula on your dash. Or how about a harmless garden snake with a rattlesnake's rattle tied to its tail.

• Put something sharp or painful to sit on in the driver's seat. Get a thick chain (one that you've tried to break with bolt cutters without success) and glue lots of rose thorns on it. Wrap it around the seat of your car so the thief can't pull it off.

 
• Snap some handcuffs on the wheel. It'll make the thief self-conscious and people seeing this may think he's either a runaway inmate or in someway shady. When at a stoplight, people will probably laugh, stare or otherwise comment. His paranoia may get the best of him and he might pull over and ditch the car.

 
• Set your seat in an uncomfortable position. It takes time to adjust the seat of a car. The criminal will adjust the seat, providing enough time for a person to walk by and see a criminal breaking in to your car.

 
• Get an anti-theft bear. This toy bear sits in the driver seat. If moved when not deactivated, it screams "Rape!", "Help!" or other attention-grabbing exclamations. These are rare, so talk to a security expert or check out a mercenary magazine to find one.

 
• Put a phony police badge in your front seat. Criminals may think the car belongs to an undercover officer, making them uneasy. Their reaction: Try another car -- why take a chance? You can buy these badges at military outlets such as the Quartermaster on Long Beach Boulevard in Long Beach.

Matthew L. Green is editor in chief of the Daily Forty-Niner.