Students tackle codependency

Dressed in a loose brown suit, psychology intern Mimi Bommersbach sat barefoot on one of the lumpy gray couches in the Women's Resource Center and asked the group of about 10 people to introduce themselves and tell her what they would like to find out about codependency.

One of the students, the only male in the room, revealed that he fears his wife is co-dependent. He said she becomes upset when he does not come home in time for dinner, even if he calls her in advance.

"I admire the devotion," he said. "But at the same time it's stifling."

Bommersbach said his wife must be feeling abandoned.

"There is something very specific going on beneath these behaviors," she said.

The reasons for codependency and how to deal with it were topics examined at "Co-dependency Ugh!" a discussion held Wednesday.

Reasons for codependency vary, Bommersbach said, from a neglected childhood to culture or other reasons. Identify what is driving this behavior is what is important, she said.

During the 1970s the term "codependency" was coined by those that ran chemical dependency programs, Bommersbach said. During that time alcoholics and their families would go for treatment. The dependents had the problems and their families were affected by their behavior.

"The people that ran these groups noticed that these people would take over for the person who was underfunctioning," she said. They began referring to this as "codependency."

Publishing books about this behavior became a million-dollar industry in terms of self-help books, Bommersbach said. However, there is not a correlation of being in an alcoholic family and being codependent, she said.

"Part of the reason for the popularity is the fact that people can relate," she said.

Over the years there have been many different definitions of codependency, but there is no one clear definition of the term, Bommersbach said. Qualities of codependency have been identified: intense and unstable interpersonal relationships, inability to be alone, chronic feelings of boredom and emptiness and an overwhelming desire for acceptance and affection. She added that although many people possess these qualities, they cannot be labeled as being codependent.

All relationships should be interdependent, she said. There should be power balance, sharing, and reciprocity, Bommersbach said.