v5n50-war.html

Staging war against machine

Let me say this first. I hate vending machines and especially the ones on this campus.

Eight of the 10 times I have used these things, my food has decided to stay in. It looked at me, smiling, waving and laughing. Oh, I would try to encourage it. I would gently beat on the machine's window. It never worked. My food just did not want to come out. So invariably, I would always have to take out more money.


Wes Woods

My most recent episode was the worst. Walking through campus one dark and cool Thursday evening, I decided to buy some barbecue potato chips. I approached the vending machine outside of PH-3, eagerly put in my dollar and hit the letter B and the No. 2. The change came chingling out and I waited for my chips to do the same. They did not.

The stupid bag got stuck when the silver wire was turning and managed to get wedged into the plastic glass. So I pounded on the glass with my fists, but since the vending machine weighs more than six of me, this did not quite work. OK, option two. I decided to put in another dollar. This time as the change rambled out, I focused on the chips. In anxious anticipation, I watched the wire spin. Nothing. My second set of fat-filled greasy potato slices smashed against the first set of chips made it look like a bloated bag of ... well, I am not really sure.

Anyway, I decided to beat on the machine again. I beat it with my fists a good 600 times. Nothing.

So I pulled out my last dollar but the machine had the orange light indicating no change. Luckily there was a change machine on the side. It took me 20 minutes just to get in the first two quarters - they kept shooting back out the coin return. I looked around., no one was near me. If this does not work, I told myself, I will start the Bruce Lee roundhouse. I hit the No. 2. I watched the silver. I watched the bag.I watched it run head on into the bags. It plummeted into them and ... all three smoothly fell down.

Great. Three bucks for three bags of chips that I could have easily paid 75 cents for at the market. Let me tell you, I felt like a superstar that night. I will never forget it. I hate these stupid vending machines.

Wes Woods is a journalism major at CSULB.