Some hooters can't hurt Long Beach

In short, Hooters makes my mouth water.

Oh baby. Big ones, little ones - no matter. Just the thought of plump, juicy, sultry hooters make me drool. Breasts, yeah - I'm a big breast man. Thighs too, and legs. Oh, heavenly legs. Just the plain sight of 'em makes me want to grab away and go at 'em with reckless abandon.

Hooters, baby. What every red-blooded American male craves.

Hooters' buffalo wings, that is.

Personally, I couldn't care less about the name of the restaurant, the implication that it puts forth or the (often) beautiful women who work there. But it is those exact issues which are keeping the closed-minded bureaucratic empty-heads of Long Beach from allowing the chain to open a local restaurant.

A more-than-safe assumption would be that these prudes have never set foot in a Hooters restaurant and, if they had it their way, never will.

When it comes to Hooters, it's all in the name. And I'd go there to eat the best wings I've ever tasted, even if Hugo the cook, covered in sweat and dinge, were to serve them to me instead of some playmate.

I love those wings so much that once I even brought a date there. Yes, she had her previous beliefs about Hooters, but she wound up loving it. And it took her an entire month to dump me.

The facts are that Hooters is a successful nationwide chain which targets the male consumer, ages 18 to 45. Successful, that is, except in Southern California, where there are just two locations: in the Gas Light District of San Diego and in nearby Newport Beach.

Hooters has run into problems in So Cal. Maybe because of competition, maybe because of its narrow demographic of catering to males or maybe because of its - now trademark - scantily-clad women working there - California Girls who can be seen just about anywhere else across the Golden State (as well as walking the halls of its universities; yes, including Cal State Long Beach).

The argument that Hooters degrades women is a limp one, to say the least.

True, the Hooters mascot is an owl (which is a stretch), and the insignia has owl eyes/nipples inside both O's of the word. A hitch at the very least. Even the catch phrase says it all: "Delightfully tacky, yet unrefined."

The female servers wear short shorts, nylons, tennis shoes and often tight shirts tied around their stomachs. Yes, eye candy indeed. But, just like in terms of strippers and calendar girls, I doubt that Hooters management keeps guns in its offices to force the women to work there.

Waitressing is hard work and the money is often good. How can voluntary work be degrading work?

The name of the chain is its biggest downfall. The name Hooters is enough, along with the vision of the "Hooters Girl," to keep uptight feminists and conservatives in an uproar. As if the obese would have a problem with a sandwich restaurant called Blimpies.

What's next? Crazed Russian sailors bitter over Red Lobster?

To say the place is tasteless and could bring a bad element into Long Beach - which are other arguments against - is an exercise in hypocrisy: For Long Beach already boasts two topless clubs (Angel's and Legs) and a soon-to-be full nude club (The Flamingo).

Talk about a nasty element! Those women are lying naked on a stage so hard-up men can stuff singles down their G-strings and Lord knows where else. And they don't even serve good wings!

Ah, but you must be at least 18 years old to go into one of those places. For God's sake, a child can walk into Hooters and order a meal.

Riiiiiiight.

Shouldn't a youngster be able to go into a restaurant with good food, quality prices and televisions in every corner in addition to having a friendly server?

Hooters doesn't even have a full bar.

I know parents who let their 9-year-old children watch "Dawson's Creek," and I guarantee you there are more sexual innuendoes going on in an hour of that program than during a meal at Hooters. I don't, however, see anybody suing the WB.

Waitresses at the average sports bar are clad just like Hooters Girls day in and day out, and one must be 21 to get inside those.

So one should ask the boot stompers what is so bad about a pretty face. What's so threatening?

Is a fresh new restaurant bad for the city streets? Why don't we compare Hooters to the strip bars which Long Beach has already allowed within its limits? We cannot.

Allowing true smut like nudie bars into a city and shunning decent restaurants is like legalizing nuclear warfare and banning Swiss Army Knives.

If Long Beach needs to clean up, it should start where the clothes come off. But when it comes to Hooters: If the name of the business is a threat, change it. If the women who serve the food are too pretty, replace them. Just make sure Hugo is there to cook my favorite wings.