For better or worse, editor's term is complete

Last November, I was in the process of transferring to Cal State Long Beach. One day, I was touring the campus with my friend. As we passed by newspaper bins with the Daily Forty-Niner logo emblazoned on them, I said to her, "I just might be editor in chief of the paper someday."

I was certain I could have -- or would have the confidence and determination to be an editor in chief of a daily campus paper.

Yet, I thought something like that would never happen; it was just a vision of success.

It did happen, though.

I didn't expect it to be so soon.

My first semester.

Your first impression might be, wow, that's really something! How did you do that?

That's the reaction I got from a lot of people.

In my earliest days and weeks of being the big cheese, that's exactly the reponse I received.

My community college got wind of my position and wrote a public relations feature on me. In the spring schedule, I'm in the President's message.

Debra England, transfer student, becomes editor in chief of the daily campus paper her first semester.

Congratulations.

To me, it was what I did with my position that mattered most.

I did not do what I should have.

I was editor in chief of my community college's weekly paper. It was a trying semester, what with 20 new reporters who did not appear to have ever seen a stylebook or knew how to write journalistically. We still published once a week. We even won an award for front-page design, and it made me proud.

But I promised myself after that semester that I would be ready when and if that opportunity ever did arise again in my college career.

It did, and I wasn't ready. It's like being offered sweets when you know you shouldn't have any.

Although it tastes sweet at first, you ultimately pay the consequences for it one way or another. But I accepted anyway, convincing myself that this new obstacle called a "daily campus paper" would be easy to get through.

I knew what I was getting into. Yet I just did not know what was in store for me.

"Baptism by fire," people would say.

"You're crazy," said others.

I still did it.

"You're editor in chief, Debbie," people said like I didn't know when I was faced with decisions that were mine to choose. I had power and influence, yet I just didn't how how to deal with them or use them.

The journalism department was looking for someone to bring the Daily Forty-Niner back on its feet.

They found me.

But how can a rookie editor in chief who doesn't even know where the University Library is run a daily paper?

You may have thought this semester's Daily Forty-Niner was good. You may have thought it was great. You may have thought it sucked, and that's okay.

I heard those buzzes of whispers around campus, people saying how good the paper was, others saying how bad it was.

If it was bad, blame me.

There were so many issues that I was unfamiliar with, issues I failed to recognize, and when I was confronted with them, I didn't know what to do. There was nothing to go by, no previous experience to learn from. I may have a two- year degree in journalism, but it means nothing when you compare a weekly to a daily. It's like comparing apples and oranges.

I got calls from people this semester, criticizing our lack of coverage in almost every area. "How come this isn't being covered? Can't you get a reporter to do it?" people asked me.

How can you cover 40 different things when you only have 10 reporters.

Recently a man called me, demanding a story be published. He was brash and insistent, and it irritated me. "I want a reporter to cover this," he said.

Many people lose sight of what the Daily Forty-Niner, a student paper, is here for. We are not a service dealership where anyone can come in and expect his or her wishes fulfilled. When you come to us with fresh ideas, we'll accept them gratefully. But when you demand and expect us to service you, you may as well buy an ad. Threats and demands do not intimidate us; it just makes us want to go elsewhere for stories.

We are not the Press-Telegram or Los Angeles Times. We are an independent student newspaper whose editors and reporters are learning to become professional journalists.

Sure we mess up sometimes, but we're not perfect. What do you expect from a new slate of editors who have never worked on a daily before.

We had no predecessors to learn from, no one to give us advice or show us examples of past issues and discuss them with us. Yet we were expected to know everything about our paper's style almost immediately; we were essentially laying down a new foundation for the Daily Forty-Niner. We were "building from the ground up."

Most of you don't know the most of what went on. I shouldn't have to explain. If you didn't like what was being written or not written, you should have written to me. Ninety-nine percent of my time was spent in the newsroom. You could have come in to speak to me personally.

And for those of you who complained about all the AP stories, what can you do when most stories fall through and/or are unfit to print? True, there were times when an AP story took precedence over a reporter's copy. And sometimes I wasn't liked for it. But given the choice: would you pick a wire story over a story that's lacking important details?

My editors and I sacrificed our grades and our time so you could have a paper to read in the morning.

We spent 13-hour days in the newsroom. Were you there?

Sure, I was an inspiration to some. That first-semester transfer student comes in to take over a whole publication and she does not quit. My late father told me to always finish what I start. But I didn't deserve such a position, at least not yet.

But it's time I confessed.

If there is one thing I learned this semester, I learned a lot about myself, something I could never learn out of books. I failed every class I took, but the experiences I had were much more valuable than earning As or Bs. Many people had told me this was going to be a learning experience, and they were certainly right.

I realized things I denied to myself for the past three years, even longer. I revealed that I'm not as strong and assertive as I want to be or should have been. Yes, I could have turned down the offer of editorship and said, "Sorry, I'll wait," but not very many people get the opportunity to be editor in chief of their school's paper.

I would have liked to enjoy it. I would have liked to enter the newsroom every day, open up my office and say, " Look at what I have. I'm darn lucky."

But I accepted the toughest position on the paper because I looked to it as a challenge. Something to test my strength. I wanted to see if I could handle such a job with no previous experience on a daily; see if I could do it my first semester.

I did it for experience and for my career as a journalist someday. I did it for my resume, because truthfully, it would look good It may sound selfish, but it's true. There's nothing wrong with wanting to look good.

If I had waited, I'm sure I would have been a stronger, more effective editor in chief. I would have had time to develop a sense of what it takes to run a daily by watching the editors in action, and when it would be my turn, I would be ready as I had plannedÑgain the strength and the experience to handle being editor in chief.

Things don't always turn out the way you want them to be. Sometimes you have to deal with what you put yourself up to.

I don't plan on being an editor next semester, but I will be back.

I dealt with it.

I may not have done the best I could, but I survived.