Hallway ‘Mighty
Duck’ walking formations moronic
Elliott
Chinn
The
average age for learning how to walk
is approximately 12 months, but it seems
as if a majority of the population at
Cal State Long Beach suffers from a mild
walking retardation.
I am going to venture I’m not the only one on this campus who has been
making good time walking through the Liberal Arts hallways when, all of a sudden,
some moron who is walking at a speed I’m sure a moderately healthy Stephen
Hawking could match walks in front of you and brings your progress to an abrupt
halt.
Not only are these jerks taking their sweet time, but they seem to walk at
about 45 degree angles through the hallways, so when you try to walk around
them they get in your way again. You just can’t win with these people.
So you end up having to squeeze right past them and they give you this look
like, “Hey, what’s the rush?”
Well, unlike you and your lively small town folk who have nothing going on
in their lives so they drive 5 mph under the speed limit because they “ain’t
in no hurry to poke their sister,” I have some place to go. All I want
is get to class early so I can pre-read my o-chem book and read the details
about how today’s quiz is going to ravage me.
And don’t even get me started on this new trend of whales beaching themselves
in the middle of the hallways. I’m not talking about something you’d
see in marine biology, I’m talking about someone who could pass for marine
biology. You know, someone who has nothing better to do than study on a Friday
night so she can do something when the boys don’t call.
The last thing I need is some escaped whale from Long Beach Harbor to stop
in front of me so she can talk to her friend and block the walkway like a beached
Kristie Alley in the Beach Hut line.
And if all that weren’t enough, we have these stupid high school cliques
that walk in Mighty Duck formations I find myself dodging through. I bet these
are the same people who post a million and a half bulletins on MySpace every
day with crap like “OHMYGODLOL.”
They feel they need to walk with their dumb friends in a big dumb line and
block all traffic because they’re so special and everyone should look
at them and they put their damn cell phones at the bottom of their purses so
when they ring, everyone will look because they’re too freaking ugly
to get attention like a normal person could.
Walking through the hallways of the Liberal Arts buildings should resemble
the traffic pattern of a two-way road. Stay to your right or get out of the
way, simple as that.
And don’t you dare think I’m some wacko flipping out about this.
Life is short and the last thing I need is to be behind your dumb arse talking
to your stupid friend about how drunk you got the night before.
If you want to talk to your friend, don’t stop in the middle of where
people are walking. Do you stop in the middle of the fast lane to talk on your
cell phone while on the 405? I think not. You drive like a moron and do it.
It is very inconsiderate to the people behind you to act like you’re
the only person going to class and force everyone else to slow down, just like
those ass clowns who go 65 mph in the carpool lane. A human being is not like
a car in which speeding wastes gas. You can afford to pick up the pace a little,
so go for it. What’s the worst that can happen?
Elliott Chinn is a junior psychology major.
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