Relationships
great to give and take, make and break
Molly
Stewart
Every
time I want a new pair of jeans, some
extra cash or the first season of “Reno:
911,” I make a pity call to my
mother and pretend I need money for something
she would normally buy me. I make my
voice sound soft like a little girl,
start sniffling and whine about how I
have no money for food, shampoo or toothpaste.
A
few minutes later the check is in the mail
and I’m a happy camper. I know this
is wrong and extremely manipulative, but
I can’t help it. I know how to work
my mom.
I’m
in control of our relationship even though
she’s the one bringing home the bacon.
I have the power because ever since I was
little, my mom has worked so much that
she’s never been able to spend much
time at home. She relieves her guilt by
buying me whatever I want, sometimes with
disastrous results. I developed an unhealthy
obsession with Beanie Babies in the sixth
grade and my mom bought me almost every
single one. She once paid over $200 for
just one of those stupid stuffed animals.
While parents are easy to scam, the opposite sex is a completely different
game. Who has control in romantic relationships? The answer is it depends.
My theory is based on a number of factors: looks, age, and personality.
The person who is more attractive, older and has a dominant personality usually
has more power in a relationship. Being hotter than your date makes you have
control because you know that he or she feels lucky to have a good-looking
person. Trust me, I know how shallow that sounds.
But you can’t pretend that looks don’t factor into attraction to
another person. When you are not as attractive as your partner you think, “Wow,
he likes me. Even though he is hot and could get any girl he wants, he chose
me.” This automatically puts the hot guy in control of the relationship
because she is grateful to be dating him.
This works the other way with a gorgeous girl and an average-looking guy. Being
older and/or having a stronger personality gives someone control because it
usually makes him or her more aggressive, confident and experienced.
But what does that power mean? Power gives you the ability to decide where
the relationship goes. You decide when to call or hang out. You get to be taken
care of and get your needs met first.
If you typically make dinner and do the dishes then watch a favorite movie
while giving a back rub, you’re not calling the shots in the relationship.
Of course, this isn’t true of all couples, but there are many where one
person always has the upper hand.
I personally like it when a man takes charge. I want him to make the first
move, plan the date and pay. It makes me feel more feminine and girly to be
romanced, even if it just means he opens my car door.
My first real boyfriend was like a puppy dog. I had all the control because
I was the more attractive and outgoing one in the relationship. I relished
being adored and receiving love letters, flowers and text messages telling
me how much he loved me.
But I hated always having to make the first move. I had to ask him out and
even kiss him first. I hadn’t made out in years thanks to a hideous combination
of turquoise braces, my freakishly tall height and my membership in the chess
club. At 17 I was so boy crazy I almost knocked him over when we kissed.
Friendships can be varied. Some you’re in control of and can blab on
for hours about what it meant when you made eye contact with that cute guy
from your math class while your friend listens patiently. In others, you’re
the one they call at 3 a.m. completely high and begging you to drive them to
Krispy Kreme.
It’s good to have a balance of both types of relationships, some where
you scratch a back, others scratch yours. In the end, it’s always great
to be the one who gets to pick what show to watch while your partner rubs your
feet.
But it also feels amazing to relinquish control and give to another person
without expecting anything in return. Maybe next time I call my mom I won’t
hustle her for cash and tell her how much I love her instead. But then again,
I am running low on Colgate and Old Spice.
Molly Stewart is a freshman journalism major.
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