Society’s
dummies seek solace, advice from book
series
Aaron Weiner
In this era of modern man, we’re getting mentally and socially lazy. Tools
and services are replacing the knowledge we need to perform the basic tasks of
living and interacting.
Take, for example, the technological evolution of killing bugs. In ancient days,
our ancestors had to kill flying insects with their hands or with large chunks
of stone while grunting violently. As time passed, humans developed more effective
methods such as the “flyswatter.”
Now, in the modern age, we pay a specialist to hang a sticky sheet of poisonous
paper, which evidentially is so appealing to bugs that, even after seeing a graveyard
of their rotting fellows, they cannot resist it.
Even a traditionally social task, such as meeting a significant other, is being
mechanized with online dating services. Plug yourself into an algorithm, and
a Web site will match you with someone you’re compatible with and filter
out those who aren’t, instead of letting you figure that out for yourself
after dating.
The amount of knowledge and social skills an individual needs to function normally
in society is quickly diminishing. And there’s certainly nothing wrong
with that; I don’t need to know why an electric stove works, I just want
it to boil water for my ramen.
During my latest trip to Borders, I noticed the epitome of this disturbing trend
toward ignorance: the
" Dummies” series of books, released by Wiley Publishing. The fact
that many of the books in the series have markets to justify their existence
is astounding.
Apparently, Wiley Publishing believes if they hook you early, they can guide
you through your life along a path via people who obviously know more about living
than you do. Most of the titles can stand alone, but some seem to actually fall
into progressions so you can simply move from one book to another as you move
through time.
For example, you could start with “Dating for Dummies,” and then
move on to “Relationships for Dummies” when you feel you’re
ready to take that next big step to a new book. After a couple years you can
buy “Wedding Planning for Dummies,” and then move on through “Sex
for Dummies,” “Making Marriage Work for
Dummies,” “Rekindling Romance for Dummies,” “Sex for
Dummies 2nd Edition,” “Divorce for Dummies” and “Single
Parenting for Dummies.”
But in the end, who am I to stand in the way of progress? The future of the human
race is obviously heading toward spoon-fed bliss, so I’ll do my best to
usher in the future by unveiling my great contribution to the world: “Winning
at Life: A Guide.” I grace you here with some excerpts from my masterpiece-in-progress:
•
Never run with scissors. It’s really not funny, even before someone pokes
out an eye.
•
Don’t eat the raw meat in sub-Saharan Africa. Or the birds in East Asia.
•
Don’t urinate on activated electric fences. This is a very sure way to
quickly stop winning at life.
As should be obvious, this book will change the lives of all who read it for
the better. Unfortunately, due to the nature of society I don’t know the
specifics of anything else, so if you need me I’ll be busy reading “Getting
Your Book Published for Dummies.”
This article originally ran in the Iowa State Daily at Iowa State University.
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