True
believers are truly crazy
Gerry
Wachovsky
I’ve
said it before and I’ll say it again:
religion is the No. 1 cause of psychosis
among people in the United States. OK, maybe
I’ve never said it, but I’m
going to start. It seems that now more than
ever religion is taking a stranglehold on
the general public, invisibly brainwashing
and indoctrinating the masses to believe
in hocus-pocus and tall-tales in the hopes
that their lives will be better and more
rewarding. Now don’t get me wrong
here — if you believe in something
that’s fine and dandy — but
please, keep it to yourself, for nobody
else wants to be subject to your delusions.
One thing is for sure though: religion always
proves to be grist for the mill for a columnist
such as myself.
Let
us first consider the craze surrounding
Mel Gibson’s new film, “The
Passion Of The Christ,” which is supposedly
an “accurate representation”
of what went on when Jesus was allegedly
crucified. I personally don’t believe
that Jesus ever existed, at least not as
a savior as so many believe, but I’ll
entertain the thought for a moment here.
First off, how in the world is it that anybody
knows what occurred centuries ago? I can’t
even remember what I ate for breakfast last
week! The notion that anyone can create
a precise re-telling of what took place
so long ago is absolutely ludicrous to me,
and just shows me that this is a work of
pure fiction — much like the Bible
— and nothing else.
This
isn’t the only thing that makes this
film completely asinine, however, as it
seems the director himself has gone off
the deep end. When Gibson screened the film
for certain religious leaders at the New
Life Church in Colorado Springs, Co., for
instance, he was quoted saying, “The
Holy Ghost was working through me on this
film, and I was just directing traffic.”
This statement simply boggles the mind.
Since Gibson had such divine help in making
the film, I’m assuming that the “Holy
Ghost” will get top billing, right?
Seriously though, I hear that for Gibson’s
next period piece, which is based on the
trials and tribulations of carnival clowns
in the Renaissance period and spoken all
in Middle English, he consulted not only
the spirits of Henry the VIII but also William
Shakespeare! Wow, what a true visionary!
Gibson
and his film aren’t the only recent
ridiculous insurgences of religion, however,
as an American Airlines pilot proved when
he announced during a cross-country flight
for Christian passengers “to identify
themselves and then suggested that non-Christian
passengers discuss the faith with them.”
The pilot then proceeded to tell his “congregation”
that he would be “available at the
end of the flight to talk about his first
announcement.” In this age of terrorist
attacks and plane hijackings, maybe it is
not the best idea to discuss religion at
20,000 feet, especially when your life is
in the hands of the one proselytizing.
One
of the most hysterical examples of modern-day
religious madness, though, is in the form
of the fitness center franchise, “Lord’s
Gym,” named after the popular “Gold’s
Gym” chain. In Gold’s spiritual
counterpart, gym patrons are treated to
such calisthenics as step aerobics, referred
to as “Stairway to Heaven”,
spinning exercises, called “Chariots
of Fire,” and Karate for Christ. One
branch in Jacksonville, Fla., run by Judy
and Jerry Smedley, was covered in the state’s
Times-Union newspaper in late 2001, and
is a riot to read. “Bike shorts are
allowed but only when worn under a loose-fitting
T-Shirt,” Judy says in the article
about the dress code. God-forbid anyone
see any thigh or leg action! Also according
to the article, the gym features “scripture
cards” on the treadmills, religious
themed-motifs and murals adorn the walls
and a special “women’s wall”
places certain exercise machines that “put
women in awkward positions” in the
back, so men cannot stare and salivate at
them while they work out. Jeez, let’s
just take all the fun out of a gym!
The
few examples of modern fundamentalism and
religious craziness I have highlighted here
aren’t the only ones but are pretty
indicative of the fact that religion does
breed madness. One look outside the bookstore
here on campus, for example, proves that
religious zealots are alive and well in
Long Beach, and with the amount of student
clubs and groups dedicated to them, it is
clear that religion is here to stay. Only
time will tell whether that is a good or
bad thing, but it certainly proves that
people are gullible enough to believe anything
nowadays.
Gerry
Wachovsky is a journalism major at Cal State
Long Beach. He can be reached at SenorBucho@aol.com.
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