Fighting
for the right to kill babies
Jason
Garthoffner
Recently
more than half a million women converged
on Washington D.C. for a rally in support
of abortion. It was the biggest one of its
kind in more than a decade. Abortion rights
activists have been experiencing increasing
anxiety over their ability to kill babies
ever since the tyrannical United States
government outlawed partial birth abortion.
This
is a procedure where a possibly viable fetus
is pulled through the birthing canal by
its legs, except for the head. Before being
removed completely from the woman’s
body the baby’s brains are sucked
out with a suction device, killing it.
Almost
a million people gathered in support of
this procedure — if only they got
half as excited about fighting and killing
terrorists…
The
most intelligent utterance I could find
in reports about the event was one from
a college senior from Ohio who said, “I
don’t think anybody believes abortion
is a good thing, but making it illegal isn’t
going to stop it.” After that it pretty
much all goes downhill.
Hillary
Clinton urged attendees to vote out an administration
“filled with people who disparage
sexual harassment laws,” to which
an aide hurried to the stage to remind her
that her husband is no longer president.
Feminist
windbag Gloria Steinem proclaimed the Bush
administration “the greatest danger
on earth.” This is in contradistinction
to North Korea, Iran and Osama bin Laden.
Never mind terrorism and nukes, what are
their positions on “choice?”
In
addition to those two weirdos, several Hollywood
stars like Ashley Judd and Susan Sarandon
were in attendance.
Whoopi
Goldberg held up a hanger and proclaimed
“(N)ever again will this be the choice
of any woman in our hemisphere.”
After
that someone handed her a Hoover, and said,
“Sing it sister, let’s get 21st
century on that fetus!”
One
woman from Florida explained that she was
at the rally because she, “just had
to be here to fight for the next generation
and the generation after that.”
Immediately,
out of nowhere, the spirit of the 40 million
fetuses killed since Roe v. Wade in 1971
miraculously and collectively shouted to
the silly woman, “Oh, do you mean
us?”
Since
abortion “rights” activists
are altruistically fighting to preserve
the right to kill the next generation for
the next generation, and the ’80s
being back in style and all, I got to thinking
about Planned Parenthood’s next ad
campaign:
They
can adopt Pepsi’s old slogan of “the
choice of a new generation” and hire
Michael Jackson to be made up into a monster,
and do a dance number with computer generated
aborted fetuses to the tune of “Thriller.”
If
that doesn’t work then my next suggestion
would be an ad campaign where Judd, Goldberg,
Clinton, Sarandon and Steinem would all
do ads saying “I wish my mother had
the right to choose.”
Then
they can try to entice low income customers
by holding a contest. They’ll show
a picture of the monster-like made up Jackson,
and a picture of Whoopi Goldberg, if they
can tell the difference they get their abortion
at half price!
Pro-life
activists were also in Washington D.C. staging
a counter-rally of their own. They reportedly
prayed and chanted “shame on you.”
Interestingly, police found it necessary
to pay special attention to them as the
counter-rally was barricaded and watched
closely by them, as opposed to being concerned
about the crowd that gets angry because
they’re no longer allowed to suck
a baby’s brains out.
Though
I understand the devastation an unintended
pregnancy can bring to a woman’s life,
abortion shouldn’t be the cherished
sacred cow these activists have made it
out to be.
Many
of the speakers in attendance held antiwar
rallies a year ago to tell us violence is
not an answer to solving the problem of
stopping terrorists that will stop at nothing
to kill us. They say we as civilized people
need to rise above it, and against the barbaric
Bush administration.
Now
they’re holding rallies telling us
how barbaric Bush is for outlawing a violent
procedure on a fetus, supposedly the only
answer to solving an unwanted pregnancy.
Apparently,
we civilized people must rise above the
alternative of putting the child up for
adoption.
Jason
Garthoffner is an art major at Cal State
Long Beach.
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