‘Troy’ stumbles under its own weight

Warner Bros.

Achilles (Brad Pitt) wages war against the Greeks in Warner Brothers’ ‘Troy’.

By Andrew Italia
The Diamondback

COLLEGE PARK, Md. (U-Wire)- It makes perfect sense to bring one of the oldest stories ever told to the big screen. The mother of all war tales. The classic all epics are judged against. The Iliad.

Just how classic is it? Well, let’s just put it this way: Alexander the Great carried a copy with him on his campaigns, and it’s believed to have been written approximately 800 years before Jesus was in diapers.

Homer’s tale of war, love, glory, patriotism, hubris and mortality finally makes its debut at your local cineplex in the form of this week’s uber-blockbuster “Troy.” Wolfgang Petersen’s contribution to the grand swords-and-sandals movie tradition features star-studded Hollywood muscle to round out the mythical cast.

So what do you get when you combine a millennia-old war story (arguably the best one ever told), an Oscar-happy cast and a blockbuster director? Well, to be honest — very mixed results.

For those of you who don’t know the tale and haven’t taken a Greek and Roman mythology class, The Iliad is the story of the Trojans’ (the denizens of Troy, not the condoms, people) war with the Greeks over Helen of Troy.

Here’s the Cliffs Notes version: Helen (Diane Kruger) was the most beautiful woman of all time and was married to King Menelaus of Sparta (Brendan Gleeson), until she falls for Trojan Prince Paris (Orlando Bloom), who takes her back with him to Troy. Menelaus is peeved big-time and goes to his brother Agamemnon (Brian Cox), a power-hungry tyrant and leader of the Greeks, for help.

Soon the Greeks, including Achilles (Brad Pitt), the most feared warrior who ever lived, set sail for Troy. They find the city guarded by Paris’ older brother Hector (Eric Bana), the mightiest Trojan of all, and governed justly by honorable King Priam (Hollywood legend Peter O’Toole).

First, the good. “Troy” delights as an over-the-top spectacle, with battle scenes which rival sequences in “Saving Private Ryan” and one-on-one sword and spear combat that gives Russell Crowe a run for his toga. The picture is well-acted with almost everyone in the ensemble — big or small — hitting his or her mark square on the head and bringing the epic roles to life. At the film’s onset, as James Horner’s stirring score introduces the saga’s characters while still subtly foreshadowing the carnage to come, the audience feels it’s in for a real treat: a depiction of mankind’s greatest triumph and most heart-wrenching tragedy in all its blazing glory.

But that, ladies and gentlemen, is when the monkey wrench hits the mechanism, and Troy starts going downhill. The movie becomes hackneyed and intolerably slow; the pacing is obscene, and the film would’ve benefited from much more precise editing. The writing is also incredibly weak, and while it may save a good line or two from the source material, it ends up giving these great performers very little to work with.

Speaking of source material, the adaptation of Homer’s work is as loose as Christina Aguilera’s underpants. Though eliminating the Greek gods may have been a plus with respect to time, even the human story so beloved worldwide is mucked with almost to the point of no recognition in the second and third acts. Key characters are killed off early, either completely vilified and/or glorified inappropriately and even completely re-imagined poorly.

Some of the most resounding and emotionally-resonating scenes that caused the story to be passed down for generations are left out or written poorly. We don’t see Achilles go on his bloodlust, nor do we see his embrace with Priam that reveals the folly of the whole martial enterprise.

It seemed Petersen tried so hard to fit everything into this picture it almost collapsed under its own weight. The endless speeches are moving at first, but very tired by the end. This baby has cliche written all over it.

Still, the film is respectable in its scope and for more reasons than its exciting battle scenes. The thematic elements, while blurred from Homer’s greatness, still survive and are perhaps more timely than ever. The fact that the war is fought over Menelaus’ chauvinistic ineptitude and jealousy, as well as Agamemnon’s greed, is truly representative of the futility of unjust wars. The film doesn’t champion the causes of either the Greeks or Trojans, but shows both armies containing noble and ignoble characters alike as the tale plays out, exploring the nature of mortality and honor.

For that really is the central question of The Iliad: Is it better to die with glory on the battlefield for immortal recognition or live bravely and humbly for peace, love and family? While “Troy” seems to briefly flirt with this question, it’s more of an afterthought to the endless false bravado that so hampers the film. “Troy” is indeed a briefly entertaining exercise and well-shot war film, but it is also a little sad that the story Homer recited orally almost 3,000 years ago sans makeup, CGI or even moving pictures was the far more exciting version.