Iran supports terrorists? Say it ain't so!

What do training for Iranian suicide attacks against United States troops, suicide attacks against Israelis and assassinating British author Salman Rushdie all have in common? Give up? They are all what potential employees are applying for in the job that is sweeping the Middle East by storm: suicide bomber/martyr! Well, terrorism is alive and well, it seems, and I think I know who we're goin' after next!

A Nov. 28 Associated Press report detailed terrorist recruiting sessions that have been taking place in Iran, which are attended by martyrdom hopefuls and even some "key figures" of the Iranian government ——"a prominent Iranian lawmaker and a member of the country's elite Revolutionary Guards" — clearly indicating what the article says is—"at least tacit support from some within Iran's government." Does this really surprise any of you?

According to the article, titled "Iran Group Signs Up Suicide Volunteers," fundamentalist idiots are showing up in droves to be all they can for their country, or, what I like to call strapping a bomb to your chest before running into a crowded place shouting, "Allahu Akbar!" Who could blame them, what with the promise of 72 virgins to deflower once they arrive in heaven?

Contained within the terrorist application is the reminder that the fatwa issued by Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini against author Salman Rushdie is still in effect, despite the fact that Khomeini died over 15 years ago. Khomeini, who was dismayed by Rushdie's depiction of Islam's prophet, Muhammed, in the author's book, "The Satanic Verses," issued the fatwa against him in 1989, but according to the Iranian government, "only the person who issued the edict could rescind it." Salman, you'd better not fire those bodyguards yet, as I don't think Khomeini will be rescinding his decision anytime soon. Just a friendly tip.

Also included in the application is the requisite training for suicide attacks against U.S. troops in Iraq, as well as training for attacks against everybody's favorite scapegoat, the Jews. According to the Associated Press report, the applications can be found "on Tehran's streets and university campuses," and the Iranian government has made no effort to try to stop the "shadowy movement." Why would they try to stop something they have been fostering for years?

According to Iranian Foreign Ministry spokesman Hamid Reza Asefi, in what could be described as the complacent-statement-of-the-year, "That some people do such a thing is the result of their sentiments. It has nothing to do with the government and the system." That would be true if the government didn't have anything to do with supporting the system, but as we all know when it comes to Iran, the government is just as bad as the terrorists they nurture.

According to hard-line policymaker Mahdi Kouchakzadeh, the Martyrs Foundation, a semiofficial organization and terrorist supporter, "spreads valuable ideas. At a time when the U.S. is committing the crimes we see now, deprived nations have no weapon other than martyrdom. It's evident that Iran's foreign policy makers have to take the dignified opinions of this group into consideration." Can someone please spare me the rhetoric and just drop an A-bomb on this guy now?

In the end, this just goes to show you that we are fighting the "war on terror" for a very compelling reason. With groups like this still active, willing and able to kill Americans, I don't know of a better time to be fighting this war, and I think most liberals would be hard-pressed to find one. That being said, just remember that this is precisely why we are in battle right now, and should be something you think about before raising that ludicrous anti-war poster or participating in that march on Washington.

Until next semester, I advise everyone to relish in these rapidly approaching tranquil times where your views will go unchallenged and unchecked, and fear the day that I return to spark controversy on the campus once more. This concludes our broadcast day.

Gerry Wachovsky is a senior broadcast journalism major at CSULB and the Diversions editor of the Online 49er.