Putting
the real back into reality
Nick
Genisauski
Go
ahead. Admit it. You watch MTVs the Real
World. As an avid viewer of the juggernaut's
most prized possession -- with the exception
of its drug-overdosing, sympathy-yearning,
scum-with-money Osbournes -- I cannot say
that this is, in fact, a world of reality.
Aside
from the occasional squabbles and cases
of "someone ate my bagel," the
Real World only began semi-impressing me
recently when I witnessed a cast member
drill a Frenchman in the face -- kudos to
you!
Obviously,
the Real World relies on exploiting stereotypes
when it comes to it's characters. There
is the polite frat guy whose parents fork
over all the cash he needs; the occasionally
proud black woman or man (only when there's
a country boy because the producers know
they'll clash, but will eventually share
each others beliefs or ideals); the beautiful
maiden who might kiss a boy or two; the
delicate homosexual man or woman who is
always apprehensive in disclosing his/her
little secret; and finally, the bashful
girl next door type.
But
lately I've noticed a lack of extreme character
types that might put the "real"
back in this television series. I'm not
saying that the producers need to replace
these stereotypes, just inject them with
a shot of high-octane gas.
The
frat guy -- we'll call him "Brian,"
has the most potential to take his character
to the next level. He already has the reputation
of being a drunk, so why not shoot for something
a little more chaotic and life threatening,
like alcoholism.
I'm
looking for the dude who can pound a 12-pack
and wash it down with a fifth of Jack Daniels.
After he adjusts his blood-alcohol level,
I invite him to take to the streets of whatever
city the crew happens to be in, storm down
the sidewalk in a rage and destroy anything
and everything in his path. Let's be honest,
there's no better ratings booster than an
angry white male punting side mirrors off
of parked cars or tearing innocent plant
life out of their humble soil.
When
he returns from his late night marauding,
he attempts to pillage the house's refrigerator
only to find that the black, urban thug,
"Lester," is enjoying a leftover
six-inch hero on the toilet. However, this
is not the typical black male that we're
used to seeing on the Real World -- "Lester"
doesn't have a college education, two parents
or settles his disputes with words. Unfortunately
for his fellow roomies, he wins his arguments
with his fists and the only rebuttal he
might hear is a groan resounding from the
bloodied lips of the assaulted frat guy
who barged in while "Lester" was
taking a number two.
After
destroying the frat guy, our black superhero
-- gold chain, do-rag, and corn rows --
tosses the last of the sandwich behind the
sofa and proceeds to enter the voluptuous
slut, "Shelia's" room. No longer
is the girl who simply makes out with her
roommates -- the other members of the household
refer to her as the "silicone wonder."
Let's just say the "block" is
the room and she scoots about the dwelling
pretty easily if you catch my drift.
"Lester"
slips into "Shelia's" bed and
fun begins as the television viewer's pupils
widen and take in the debauchery unfolding
before their very eyes. Suddenly, the rocking
from the bed awakens the token homosexual
woman, but in our case, the manliest lesbian
or most feminine truck driver this side
of Oklahoma -- little do the roommates know
that the pile of shaven hairs in the sink
are from the time "Maxie" decided
to square off her flattop. In a fit of anger,
"Maxie" rises from her slumber
like a lumberjack out of hell and rips the
sheets off the thrusting interracial couple.
Just
when the mayhem can't get anymore intense
or comical, in replacement of the girl next
door, a 300 lbs Latino, "Jorge,"
crashes through the door in his underwear,
cursing in Spanish because someone has man
handled his hero!
MTV's
the Real World is as far from reality as
one can get. Take away their beautiful home,
French experience, job at a radio station,
trip to Australia, comfy salary, dossal
roommates, safe environment and call it
"The Rough Life." A word to the
producers -- put them in the Bronx, give
them credit card bills, make them work at
Burger King and infuse their rat infested
home with the most extreme, volatile human
beings in America. It's time for the producers
to stop being polite and start getting real!
Nick
Genisauski is an English major at Cal State
Long Beach.
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