CSULB
and the hell that is parking
Welcome
back everyone, I have some bad news: the
summer has officially come to a close. The
good news, you ask? Well, besides the fact
that your education will continue, there
is none. Since this is the Daily Forty Niner's
Survival Guide, I have decided that I will
bestow my knowledge upon the campus-at-large.
This lesson will cover something continually
elusive to all of us at CSULB: finding a
parking space the first few weeks of school.
Picture
this: it is the first day of school and
you leave home more than an hour earlier
than you normally do, but you come to a
stunning realization when you arrive at
school: you probably should have slept in
your car in the parking lot to ensure getting
a space. Mark my words folks, it is this
hard to find parking spaces the first weeks
of school. I hope this article will help
those of you who are less adept at finding
spaces here. Relish in this advice, as it
is the last time you will hear advice coming
from me, since the rest of the year I will
be angering the liberals with my columns.
The
first tip I have for finding a parking space
during this hectic time is to pick up members
of the opposite sex and escort them to their
car. In doing this, you are not only guaranteed
to be first in line for the parking space,
but you can also get the phone number of
the person for possible romance later. It
is like killing two birds with one stone.
The
second tip is more of a command. Do not
park your car at the end of the row and
wait for someone to walk to his or her car.
There is nothing I hate more than driving
around frantically, trying to find a space,
only to turn into a row and find someone's
huge behemoth of a car parked on the side
of the row, the person inside waiting for
someone to leave. You proceed to navigate
around the monstrosity, nearly hitting the
cars parked in the row, creating more of
a headache than you already have. Just drive
around like everyone else and keep up the
flow of traffic! Furthermore, the
last time I checked this was called double
parking, and was ticket worthy.
The
final tip I have for finding a parking space
is a formula that will allow you to derive
the amount of time that you will need to
leave early for school, ensuring that you
will find a space before class. Step one:
calculate the time it takes you to get to
school from your starting point, usually
home (example: 10 minutes.) Step two: take
that time, triple it, and add it onto the
original time (example: 10 minutes x 3 =
30 minutes; added to original time makes
40 minutes.) Step three: take this new time,
double it, and add it to the time derived
from step two (example: 40 minutes x 2 =
80; added to step two time makes 120 minutes.)
Finally, add on an extra 30 minutes (example:
120 minutes + 30 minutes = 150 minutes.)
So, a person who lives 10 minutes away from
school will have to leave two-and-a-half
hours early in order to find a space; conversely,
someone who lives an hour away from school
will have to leave twelve-and-a-half hours
early to ensure finding a space before class
starts. Lucky you.
It
is my hope that this guide has helped you
in your continuing search for finding those
fleeting parking spaces at school, and if
my steps are followed, you will notice the
search does become easier. Have fun, and
happy hunting!
Gerry
Wachovsky is a student at Cal State Long
Beach.
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