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opinion
Cohabitation
damages promising relationships
Popular opinion suggests that living together before marriage
is a good idea. The theory behind this idea is that couples
can strengthen their relationships by living together before
getting married. There is a lot of research on cohabitation.
Instead of strengthening relationships, living together damages
future marriages.
Today, cohabitation is the most common way that couples in
America begin their lives together. We are seeing a very significant
cultural change where romantic love and courtship has been
giving way to an altogether new alternative. Those who live
together before marriage are the least likely to marry each
other.
"Why would you buy the cow when you can get the milk
for free?" said Cal State Long Beach student Jessica
Strickland.
A comprehensive National Survey of Families and Households
study shows that about 40 percent of cohabiting unions in
the U.S. break up without the couple getting married.
One of the reasons may be that those who cohabit drift from
one partner to another in search of the right person. The
average cohabitant has several partners in a lifetime.
Cohabiting couples also have higher separation and divorce
rates. Psychology Today reported the findings of Yale University
sociologist Neil Bennett that the risk of divorce after living
together is 80 percent higher than the risk of divorce after
not living together.
Living in such a union undermines the legitimacy of formal
marriage and so reduces commitment to marriage.
"Three of my best friends live with their boyfriends,"
said Long Beach City College student Leslie Toy. "I will
learn from their mistakes."
Many say they are living together for a trial marriage. Laura
Schlessinger, host of the nationally syndicated "Dr.
Laura" radio show, lists cohabiting as one of the "Ten
Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives." "Dating,
not living in, is supposed to be about learning and discerning
about a prospective mate. You will never know what married
life is unless you're married," she says.
Couples living together have superficial and significantly
weaker relationships. A woman most often sees living together
as romantic, while the man views the arrangement a practical
solution that will help them iron out differences and strengthen
their love.
It is clear that living together before marriage kills the
romance, reduces the chances to marry each other, increases
the chances of separation and divorce. It also results in
weaker relationships and unhappier marriages. Marriage is
one shoe you cannot try on before you buy it.
Sarah Davis is a public relations major at Cal State Long
Beach.
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