Listen to me: Chan, the critic, gives his slant on this week's new releases

Chan Tran

98 Degrees: "Revelation" (Universal)

98 Degrees' music has fascinating effects on my mind.

The music induces a sense of euphoria where your mind feels like freshly squeezed toothpaste resting on the bristles of a toothbrush.

But believe it or not, when you hear "Revelation," there is a more miraculous phenomenon.  Heavy portions of my brain have regressed back to toilet training days and I can remember the staleness of Gerber baby foods before they tickled my tonsils. Keep up the good work, fellas.

98 Degrees is, for lack of a better title, the step brother of ëN Sync and Backstreet Boys -- too uncoordinated to dance and too sugary to have hot and slutty girls.  When looking through gentler eyes, they seem likable -- using their voices rather than the Schwarzenegger hips to entice sweating female fans. But would you believe their one claim to credibility is the fact that they do not "dance," which makes them "different" to the other popular boy bands? Under such influences and somewhere out there, Michael Jackson is reconsidering the merits of his moonwalk.

So in typical boy band fashion, the quartet is back with a mild-vengeance and this time they've decided to abandon their cookie-cutter ballads and opted for more Alliyah-style beats and Boyz II Men harmonies. The beats are slicker, but the lyrics are just as trite and laughable as ever. "The Only Thing That Matters" asks, "Can you imagine you and me/Falling in love so tenderly/Can you imagine, Girl, that we are one/'Cause every woman that goes by/I find another reason why/that you and I should be lost in love. I think I heard the same speech on a soap opera once."

Elsewhere on the album, Nick Lachey, the Justin Timberlake of the band, and his band mates attempt to keep the beat moving with "The Way You Want Me," "Stay The Night," "You Don't Know," and the Ricky Martin-esque first single "Give Me Just One Night (Una Noche)."

But enough about the music, let's talk about how much I hate the crop of ë90s boy bands.

During the ë80s teenage bands such as New Kids On The Block, Hi-Five, New Edition and Menudo reigned supreme among the mainstream crowd, and more importantly they did not take themselves seriously. The lyrics were fun, the clothes were affordable and sometimes a few pimples stuck out in magazine pictures. This is my main complaint with ëN Sync, Backstreet Boys and the others -- unwanted pompous poising.

In light of that, there are two things wrong with 98 Degrees, their name and their music. Actually, three things. The title of their album. There is no grand revelation derived from listening to it, more like ë80s pop regurgitation.

David Bowie: "Bowie at the Beeb" (Virgin)

I admire Bowie's wife. She doesn't hate the fact that he's more beautiful than she is.

His career will be long over before he has a split end and more power to him.

Before Nirvana mooched Bowie's soul with "The Man Who Sold The World," he was long forgotten and thought to be hibernating in at-home tanning booth.

If the world is fair, this new three-disc release will further his myth as a legendary performer and originator of stage theatrics.

There are two discs containing materials Bowie recorded between 1968 and 1972 in the BBC studios. It revisits odd classics such as "Space Oddity" and "Ziggy Stardust" before moving on to the limited-edition third disc of live songs from his 2000 BBC sets. The third disc features rarely performed "This Is Not America," from the movie "The Falcon and the Snowman," one of the best songs you have never heard.

The king lives on.

Andy Summers: "Peggy's Blue Skylight" (RCA)

I just know you are asking who this is. Reference: The Police.

SheDaisy: "Brand New Year" (Lyric Street/Hollywood)

Three words: Dixie Chicks rejects.