Abstinence?
What is Abstinence?
The general definition for abstinence is choosing to refrain from certain behaviors. When applying the term to sexual health, its meaning involves choosing not to engage in any form of sexual activity that may lead to pregnancy or sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), including HIV. 1,2 Abstinence is not the same as virginity, and there is nothing wrong with deciding not to participate in intercourse even if it has been done before. It is normal for a person to need or want time alone after a breakup, the death of a partner, a traumatic experience, or simply to pursue activities with friends or organizations.
Choosing Abstinence
Abstinence is a choice individuals make for a variety of reasons including health concerns and religious beliefs. It is the only guaranteed way to prevent pregnancy and STDs, including HIV. 2 Abstinence is usually discussed in connection with “waiting until marriage,” but many individuals choose this throughout life for other reasons, such as taking time to learn about oneself.
Sexual relationships have many rewards but also present physical and emotional risks. A person with the self-awareness to recognize that he or she should wait has a better chance of having a more positive experience when the time is right. Studies have shown that women who wait to have sex until they are in their 20s have fewer partners in their lifetimes and certain health advantages. These women are less likely to contract STDs, become infertile, or develop cervical cancer. 2
Abstinence may be difficult to maintain over a long period of time. Caught in the heat of the moment, an individual may end his or her abstinence without the advanced planning necessary to protect against pregnancy and infections. For abstinence to be successful, a person must be clear about why he or she is making this choice and discuss it with potential partners.
Is abstinence right for you?
An individual who decides that abstinence is right for him or her needs to be aware of situations that can jeopardize this choice. Answering the following questions can provide an indication of how successful this choice will be.
- Can I avoid situations that would make staying abstinent difficult?
- Can I avoid drugs or excessive alcohol that may affect my judgment?
- Will the people in my life be supportive of my decision?
A couple can have a meaningful and intimate relationship without having sexual intercourse. A close relationship is based on trust, which can be built through talking, listening, having respect for each other, and participating in fun activities together. Individuals with true respect for each other should be able to respect his or her partner's choice to be abstinent.
If you are in an abstinent relationship...
An abstinent couple should continually talk to each other about the decision they have made and reinforce why it is important to them. This builds communication and trust as well as making it easier to avoid situations that may become too sexual.
Abstinence is a personal decision that each individual must make for himself or herself. It should not be met with criticism or pressure. Entering a sexual relationship with confidence and knowledge will often make the experience more rewarding and worth the wait.
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