Book review: New book says it's OK to get it on

By Sean Orfila
On-line Forty-Niner

Everyone loves sex. It's like food and everyone loves food. Then again, eating food can be a terrible experience, that's why everyone should learn to cook – cook well. In a society of freeze-dried hotcakes and cheesy fries, it can be tough to learn how to cook like the pros. But after finding a good cookbook, things can only get better.

"The Guide to Getting It On," is the best cookbook for sexing you'll find. Even if your sex skills are harder than the Iron Chef's kung-fu grip, you'll still learn from this book.

The girth of the text is a solid 782 pages and the price tag isn't bad either. The words are interesting, easy to read and more importantly, easy to remember. Author Paul Joannides has a sense-of-humor that could capture the attention of a goat, and what could be better than reading a chapter titled "Sex on the Interstate," and then try it out with your lover?

Insightful reader commentaries sprinkle the book like hot peppers on a soft palate. Interestingly, 95 percent of the reader comments are from women. Apparently men have nowhere near the heightened sexual experiences of their female counterparts. Either that or men have more trouble communicating their sexual experiences.

Although the author is a guy, the book is clearly a team project, and a significant amount of females contributed to the book. The text is written in the "we" rather than the "I" perspective and most of the book is straight facts on how to do your best in bed.

How about a taste? This excerpt was taken from a chapter titled "The Zen of Finger F******."

A truly civilized way of learning how to get a woman off by hand is to make an agreement with her that she will provide lots of coaching and patience and you will provide an eager willingness to learn.

That's because hands that are used to throwing a baseball, digging with a shovel, or torquing down engine bolts tend to get a little frustrated when it comes to finessing a woman's genitals; and that's only part of it.

And this one is from the "Sex Fluids" chapter.

In order to enjoy sex, you need to feel okay about getting wet and slobbery.

That's because no matter how you sort it out, sex is a wet adventure, an erotic monsoon of sorts. Various body fluids, like ejaculate, arrive abruptly, while others, like saliva, sweat, and lubrication, are more constant in flow. Also, menstrual fluids can double as sex fluids, but there's an entire chapter on lovemaking during periods later in this book.

"The Guide to Getting It On" was translated into 13 languages, so if you're traveling this summer, the hostel may get a little hotter after spotting a backpacker from Italy who is sporting their version of the book. No promises that your sex life will take off like the space shuttle, but after reading this one, you may get lucky.